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The road I wish I could travel

I was just watching this movie, Sweet Home Alabama and though the movie isn't pertinent to this post, in the beginning she's getting ready for a fashion show, they're up all night and when they're done, she goes for coffee and is walking around New York. Everyone is walking to work, getting breakfast,catching a taxi, just being the life blood and the breath of a city.
 This really got me thinking about my dreams and what's happening in my life.
I've been living at my parent's for awhile and as a 46 year old man, it's been draining on my self respect and dignity. It's not my parent's fault, it's mine, let's make that clear. When I first moved in I cut off my friends and I stopped trying to date and I told myself it's because I needed to work on me. At first, I believe that was true, but then after awhile, it eas more because I was embarrassed of my circumstances. At the beginning of the pandemic I started getting serious about my writing and turning it into a career. For some reason, I have had terrible luck. Every platform I've been on, it seems my posts go nowhere, like the internet as a single entity decided I wasn't good enough to build a community. It's been five years and the community I have right now is small. But the internet is like the lottery, it could just happen for me out of the blue and I keep wishing everyday it will happen.
You see, I don't need to be "SOMEBODY", I just want to be "somebody", if that makes sense. I want to get up on the morning in my own place, which doesn't need to be extravagant , I want to go get coffee and breakfast like the normal people and do my work everyday like a normal person. I want to build a group of friends again and maybe let myself fall in love again, though that might be the hardest part. I've been doing everything I can to set up a writing career, I've put in the work I'm supposed to and I'll keep putting in the work.
It's so frustrating to be in the same house as my family. They think I'm a loser and I'm not worth anything. They look down on me and they're embarrassed of me. I can't say I blame them, but at the same time I do. They're supposed to love me anyway, even if I'm not successful. I would give anything for that one lucky break. Not the lucky break that makes a person famous. I could care less about becoming a millionaire. What I want is just a place of my own where my family isn't right next to me looking down on me with their righteous indignation. It's so much worse being a black sheep when you have to be in the same room as all the people you disappoint.

If you want to help me break this cycle and get my life back on track, just buy my ebook Waves of Clarity for a meager $2.99. If you want to go a step further, I set up a kofi page that is my tip jar, it's easy to use and you van donate a single dollar if you want. It could add up quickly if I could get people to leave a buck or two and I could finally get out if this stagnant life that is stifling my creativity. O need to release my music too, but I'm not posting any of that until I can afford copyrights and a performance rights organization and a place to distribute. You have to have a little money to do it right, so I'm not releasing anything until I do. It's really the smart thing to protect my music.
I'm putting my Linktree link here. Linktree holds all my links in one place and makes it extremely easy for people to navigate. You can find my poetry collection Waves of Clarity there and my KOFI page if you feel like tipping me. Thank you for being a reader. T.F. Burke.
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